any bench is a meditation bench
Week Five
The fifth session took place in the middle of the day. I took advantage of the 45 minute train commute to do some warm up meditation. It was surprisingly easy. For a beginner, it felt deep and engaging. It was three times longer than my usual meditation and in retrospect, was maybe not the right thing to do.
For some reason, when the session started, I was having a hard time focusing. My mind was busy, going from one topic to another. Each time I noticed this, I tried to reset and continue with purpose. Apparently, I was not that successful. When we had finished, my instructor wanted to know why I had been so chatty. We considered that my warm up meditation may have been too much and that I just needed a little more time to recover my focus.
I did notice one thing more, about halfway through the session. Three times I felt a firm nudge pushing me backwards about an inch. The first time, I wondered if I had been drifting into sleep, but that wasn’t the case. My posture was good, my breathing was OK and I knew that we were in the third bowl. I was not falling asleep. A minute later, it happened again. I could feel the momentum of my head moving back. This focused me back into the meditation. It happened again, three times in a minute and a half.
I felt like a school kid being scolded for not paying attention, which was true.
My instructor asked about the dogs. She was aware of two fairly large dogs. They were not close by, but off a little ways. It was an easy question to answer. Misty and Penny, the two Collies we had when I was in grade school. I remember them running through the fields, coming home with burrs stuck in their coats, which I would pull out one by one.
Maybe it’s appropriate that they would come back for a visit. The fifth session is about releasing the grip that we have, holding onto past pain. I feel nothing negative about the two Collies, but the time frame is right and even now, almost a week later, I can not dismiss the feeling. Two protective Lassie dogs? I am thinking about it.
Several times during the week I have been asked by friends “is it working?”
With a biologist mother and and electrical engineer father, it is not an easy question to answer. There is no qualitative yardstick that “proves” that I am one inch improved. Subjectively, I am seeing things differently.
In a social situation, some words were said and I felt disrespected. Friends could see it in my face. They asked about it, I brushed it off, but inside, I was burning. After my typical beginner grade meditation, it was gone. I saw it for what it was, not much of anything. I saw it from a distance, like an impartial observer, and that was it, the inner burning feeling was gone.
I wonder if I am becoming a better problem solver. After thirty years experience, I can pound through almost any creative challenge, but I am beginning to see a different approach come into play. Instead of seeing a problem right in front of me, I see it more from a slightly removed 360 degree perspective. Moving all around it, one approach usually offers the best advantage. This is where the solution will be found. Previously, I would stake out an approach and move forward to completion with what has been described as stubborn perseverance.
Is my instructor showing me how to become a flexible stone?
This article was considered, prepared and written by a student of
Mind Body Performance Management